This one is inspired by the classic horror film, The Bride of Frankenstein, and that epic scream face Elsa
Lancaster made famous. The story is a sad one. Poor Frankenstein monster was
lonely and the doctor created a bride for him. But once she was made and
brought to life, seeing Frankie stumble and mumble at her apparently didn’t
appeal. Cue, Scream. And classic horror movie destruction.
For us human folk, happily not in a horror movie, this
dynamic can play out in more subtle ways. Sometimes our seduction skills are
lacking or just in hiding. Like Frankie we attempt an awkward hand pat or
grunt, “want to do it?”. And like the Bride, we can respond in less than kind
ways. Rejection hurts, whether you are the only 2 monsters on the planet or
not, and like Frankie rejection can make us feel, “she hates me”. So what can
we learn from their sad tale?
It can be important to let our partner know that they may be
appealing but the lackluster seduction routine is not. Talk about how you like
sex to be initiated. I am not suggesting you expect flowers covering the bed or
a striptease each time you have sex, but there may be some things that help to
get your mind on sex and some things that hinder it. Be specific. Share with
your partner what words turn you on and which ones don’t. What types of touch
feel arousing? And, equally important, what types of touch turn you off? Do you
need a bit of conversation before you engage sexually or maybe you prefer your
partner to not be wearing the sweatshirt with baby spit up on it. Speak up,
focus on what you like, while being upfront and non-blaming about what you
don’t like so much.
And if you are just not in the mood, that is ok. But don’t’
scream or hiss in your partner’s general direction. Try saying something that
lets them know you do want to connect with them sometime soon, just not right
now. Really ask yourself, what would help me get in the mood? Could it be as
simple as, “I think I need an hour to soak in the tub and relax and then we can
connect”. Or maybe you know a night later this week will be better. Think of
trying to include an addendum to each No. Try for a “Not now, but maybe…?”
If we can learn from the bride and avoid being unfriendly
about it all and learn from Frankie and try just a little harder to be
seductive, it will help keep everyone happy and connected.