Sex therapists are often asked to comment on how to increase
passion or how to keep passion going. But today, I am thinking about - What is
passion exactly? What makes someone passionate about something? What is this
state like for us?
The dictionary says simply that passion is a strong feeling
of enthusiasm. I think most of us would say
that feels like an understated definition of a deeply motivating intensity of
Passion can feel like a deep well, where other interests are
shallow. Passion feeds itself instead of quickly burning out. Passion is felt
in the body, whether it is for a person or sex or a calling or an artistic
endeavor, it is felt. Some people describe a quickening of pulse or breath, or
a fluttering in the belly, or a rush of energy or heat in the core.
Something you are passionate about awakens you in some way. I
read a quote suggesting that passion comes from things that bring us closer to
our true selves and I think this is true. We are passionate in the now, we want
to be there, we want to experience. We are called to show up. Passion stirs
something in us that must feel real, that must invite a part of our self that
is authentic and wants to come out to play. Passion invites us into our life.
Passion often feels new and edgy. There has to be something to
learn there, something to remain curious about. Passion pulls us to dig deeper,
go further, to create and keep creating. If we feel we have it all figured out,
no surprises, I doubt passion will remain. Passion provokes us and stimulates risk.
Passion can scare us. In fact, the second dictionary
statement on passion reads, “a strong feeling that causes you to act in a dangerous
way.” And when talking to a friend about this, his first response was to
question the difference between passion and obsession. Interesting. Passion
grabs hold of us and feels outside of reason. Passion is not entirely a choice.
But to me, passion is kind. It motivates us and channels us but doesn’t own us.
Passion is a flow fed by our elation.
Passion says “it is worth it” and reflectively I think we
create passion by saying “this is worth it”. We want to give to that which draws
our passion. And in giving, we receive more, and this feels good. When we are unwilling
to give or invest or risk, we will be without passion. So making space for this
driving force in our life means first believing we have the energy to give. Do